I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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