Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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