u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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