I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
