when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
