Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize