he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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