You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
