"it" just moved
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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