Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
