The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
