he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
