In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
