a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
