I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
