she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Say something about gay babies.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
