I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
