Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A+ Viking dick
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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