well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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