i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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