New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
