He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
