Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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