god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
