I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He better not be in your backpack
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
