i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
