I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
