you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
