maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
