in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
