Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
