Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
