I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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