Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
