We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
