That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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