I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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