Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
