we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
