He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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