I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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