I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
