GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize