im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize