OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
