Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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