Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
