I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
