This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize