apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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