Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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