We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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