'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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