i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
