I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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