And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
