Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
