I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The adults are the big ones right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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