Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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