I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have aggressive nipples.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
