Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
time to smoke my breakfast
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
