the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
