Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
