sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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