I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
