so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
