Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
