I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
