I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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