you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
