so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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