So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
