I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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