i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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