good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
