Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
